The Lessons in Loss

My grandfather passed away in September. I was fortunate enough to be by his side that last week, though at the time I didn't see this as a blessing at all. I couldn't get those images of his last few days out of my head. I wondered if this would haunt me for years to come; how long would I have to sleep with a light on in fear that I'd see him standing in my room? I knew that his time here with us was limited, and I had accepted that because Nana was eager for his arrival in Heaven. Knowing they were reuniting made his death bittersweet. There are some days when the absence of Nana and Papa takes my breath away, times when my students speak of or write about their grandparents, and I am completely overwhelmed with grief and longing. On those days, I come home to Papa's leather recliner sitting in my living room, and I sit in it and feel as if I'm embraced in his warmth and love. I have such fond memories of he and Nana and can't believe this world has gone on without their physical presence on Earth. Today a coworker of mine lost her mother who lived in the same retirement home as Papa. We often saw one another there and would laugh and roll our eyes as we looked around at the patients and our loved ones. The memory care unit....oh the laughs! But now that her mother is gone, it is painful to even look her in the eye, for there are no words that surface. No jokes. No laughter. Only their absence. My best friend lost her grandmother in an unexpected and fatal car accident last week. She is experiencing the pain and grief of losing a loved one for the very first time, and I want so badly to put her in a bubble and save her from that. We experience these things for a reason. There are lessons to be learned in each of our cicumstances. Death. Grief. Loss. These are painful life lessons that make us stronger and more capable of loving completely. I miss Nana and Papa all the time. Every. Single. Day. Yet somehow, in some miraculous way, life goes on......and no matter how much it will hurt when I lose another, I love and I love and I love because there isn't any other way to live.