Out From Under

Have you ever woken up and felt as if the fog which has been your stillness has suddenly been lifted? I haven't been depressed or grief stricken so to speak, but I've been still for longer than I'd like to admit. Paralyzed with the fear of starting over. The other day I woke up and felt like an entirely different person, and I see now that I'm ready to make that agonizing first step of "moving on." I don't know if it's the optimism of a new year beginning, the determination to not let my students get the best of me, or the awareness that I'm far more blessed than cursed...but I feel energized and happy for the first time in a really long time. Today I had a GREAT teaching day....one of those where you're so proud of yourself for being an educator. I left school thinking about the profound role I play in my students' lives and how easily teachers waste that opportunity. I also thought about the conversation I had with a parent who is divorcing her husband and has yet to tell her child, and I was moved by the enormity of my role in this child's life from now on. It made me think about how much I love my job and working with these young children, which sadly, I haven't felt in a long time. You see, teachers get the life sucked out of us. Behavior, neediness, paperwork, lack of parenting, emails, phone calls, and endless meetings have made me second guess my ability to teach with that same fire and passion I initially had. But somewhere between graph interpretation and types of clouds I found that fire and realized that my students are truly the great love of my life. And for now, in this moment, that's just fine by me.....